3 Hot Tips to overcome Vaginismus

3 Hot Tips to overcome Vaginismus

Vaginismus is not rare

Between 5% and 17% of women (vagina owners) experience vaginismus, however you may not hear about it, unless you or your partner have this issue. Vaginismus is the involuntary cramping of the vaginal muscles as soon as something is about to be inserted, consensually – be it a tampon, a finger, a toy, or a penis. There is global vaginismus, where penetration by even the tiniest object is impossible.

Vaginas are clever, and absolutely fascinating

As women, we all know that penile penetration can lead to unwanted pregnancies and STIs. I wonder if sex education at school is a culprit or co-factor for vaginismus. After learning at school about all the things that can go terribly wrong, why engage in penis-in-vagina sex in the first place? Young children are not aware that they even have a vagina. They may be aware of their outer genitalia, but not of any opening in there. Pee just comes from somewhere in the general area. This is not the case for boys – they can see their genitals, and can see pee coming out of their penis. Girls learn about the existence of a vagina from their parents telling them, or from other sex education. Erotically, the vagina does not feature in girls’ sexuality. Self pleasuring can start very early, but the focus is mostly on general pressure on the vulva. The vagina is not needed for clitoral orgasms. Penetration of the vagina may first be attempted with a tampon, after menstruation starts. This can feel quite daring, as it really means pushing an abject in a cavity of the body that we haven’t engaged with before. It’s quite frequent that it takes some practice to make penetration with a tampon possible. I frequently hear from young female clients that they avoid touching their vaginal entrance with fingers, or look at themselves in the mirror, because it makes them feel queasy. This may be because they didn’t have time or safe spaces to get to know their intimate anatomy. Maybe try crouching down, or sitting on a toilet and breathe deeply into the pelvic floor when trying to insert a tampon or a dilator.

Vaginal Mapping, and surprising Findings!

Vaginal Mapping is the exploration of the inside of the vagina with a gloved and lubed finger, and/or with a long wand, to become aware of sensations in different areas. I offer Vaginal Mapping in my Sexological Bodywork practice. The receiver is in charge, and determines the time and pressure at each point, so that it can be fully felt. Some areas of the vagina may feel numb, and there is also another phenomenon – sometimes, images come up when stimulating the vaginal wall that don’t seem to be belong to the personal history of this vagina owner, but to ancestors. In other words, sensations in the vagina seem to be a pathway to transpersonal experiences. It’s not surprising that entering the vagina may feel just too risky, because women just don’t know what they will find. Vaginismus can be a tool to avoid transpersonal aspects of themselves, or limit intimacy with Self.

The predominance of Penis-in-Vagina (PIV) Sex

Have you had sex? When hearing that question, most would think about penis-in-vagina sex, in our heteronormative world. Sex however can comprise a LOT more, and does not even need to include PIV. Foreplay can definitely be main play, and also comprise mutual Masturbation or simultaneous Self-Pleasuring. When your partner has vaginismus, find other ways to be sexual with each other that do not involve penetration. This may help to take the pressure of sex. 

Empowered Vaginas with Agency

PIV sex is frequently pictured as the man or penis owner being active, and the vagina owner passive. When we try to force an object into the vagina, her first self defence response is cramping, to avoid pain and injury. Instead, I would suggest on-top positions for people with vaginismus both with toys or in penetrative sex, where the vagina becomes active and moves, and maybe gets an appetite to slowly devour – for her own sake! Take your time, breathe, make sounds, and enjoy all the sensations. Women can enjoy penetration, too, and very much so!