4 Reasons why you might want to try Anal Sex (and how to go about it)
Anal Sex may need a little bit of planning and preparation, particularly, if you try it for the very first time. It’s totally worth exploring the intimate anal area though, and here is why….
Exploring new pathways to pleasure
For women, the magic area involved is not just stimulating the g-spot/g-ridge from another angle – the rectum. The vagina doesn’t have quite as many nerve endings as the anus has, so we could be in for a journey of pleasurable sensations if we do anal sex right. Definitely start with the outside area of the anus first. How about finger stimulation, or rimming? Rimming involves oral stimulation of the outside anal area, so there is definitely something to feel! Concerned about bacteria? Use a dental dam, which is a thin sheet of condom material. The other area – nearby – is the so-called perineal sponge, which is between the anus and the vagina, and can engorge during arousal. Men have the root of their penis in the perineum, so stimulation of that area can be very pleasurable for penis owners as well.
Deep, whole body surrender
The anus is specifically linked to the first chakra – feeling safe, being provided for. It’s a very delicate area, and can get injured easily, so you really need to trust if you want to open up to someone in this way. Not sure what’s good about surrender? Your partner may be ‘standing in’, and facilitate a profound archetypal experience that can be precious in its own way. Think softening and relaxing of your entire being. If you are a cis-gendered heterosexual penis owner, you may long to feel what a vagina owner feels. Stimulating the prostate may also open you up for whole body orgasms. Did you know that prostates and g-spots are anatomically very similar? For men, this deep experience can mean that you have developed a new and much better understanding of vagina owners, and receiving anal penetration may transform your lovemaking for good!
Can’t or don’t want to use contraception with your partner
While it’s still possible to get pregnant via anal sex when droplets of semen reach the vagina (careful with that), anal sex with your partner means ejaculation is actually possible in penetration even when no other means of contraception are used. While you can engage in vaginal sex when having your period, some women opt out of that, choose to keep their tampon or menstrual cup in (actually, I’m not sure about leakage here – any experience?), and engage in anal sex instead. Please use safer sex with a new partner though.
Tapping into vulnerability
Anal sex may feel vulnerable for us because poo could potentially be involved – even if it’s just a tiny bit. We may be tapping into some deep rooted shame from when we were children, and didn’t have as much control over these matters. Consider this: we may be happy to pee in front of our partners, but many of us close the bathroom door when doing a number two. Shame has much less power over us once it’s addressed. Anal sex, seen this way, can be profoundly therapeutic, and strengthen bonds of intimacy.
Anal sex for the first time? Here is what to do….
You may want to try by yourself first, to gain confidence, and explore pleasurable sensations. Buy a thin anal toy to start with. Anal toys always have a base, which prevents the anus from swallowing it all up. If you are a newbie, get a thin straight toy. Also order some thick lube. Some people take silicon based lube, but it has disadvantages, so I generally recommend thick water based lube, which is much more versatile. Have tissues/baby wipes nearby. For easy cleaning, use a condom over your toy, and consider nitrile gloves as well. Make sure to not get bacteria into vaginas. Stimulate your genitals before, and be patient when trying to insert the toy into your anus (did I mention lube?). It helps to stimulate the outside area of the anus with your fingers, and to bear down, to make the anus interested, and actively ‘swallow’. Please don’t force the toy in when you are not ready. Pain? Stop immediately. You can also try to hold the toy underneath you, and lower yourself onto it.
When trying with a partner, please be patient, and probe with a finger once you are aroused, to prepare for penetration. Vagina owner? Please plan before, condoms and nitrile gloves are really useful here to prevent bacteria in the vagina.
Eye contact can be really sexy when you are ready to go! Breathe – take it super slowly – enjoy!