Are you thinking about sex - when you have sex?
Let’s face it, our thoughts can wander. Are you fantasy based? High arousal is sure to bring some of those in, then. In fact, it’s quite difficult to orgasm without some kind of mental image, even if it’s just imagining the genitals while you are at it, or seeing yourself and your partner with outside eyes. There is nothing wrong with sexual fantasies, unless they completely break the connection with your partner, and your own body. In fact, fantasies can help us stay focused.
Closed eyes are conducive to feeling the sensations, but also for drifting off in fantasy land.
Make sure you open your eyes often, and look at your lovely partner.
Be aware of how the sensations in your body change in the arousal process, and take a few deep breaths to connect.
Had a busy day, and can’t stop thinking about your work or your to-do list?
In penetrative sex (not the only kind!), the receivers are probably more guilty of that than the giver, depending on whether penises are involved or not.
If you find yourself thinking about all kinds of mundane things while having sex, it’s time to change your routine, to make it more exciting. It’s often the expectation of sex, the erotic play, that really gets us going, and into high arousal.
Try an approaching ritual, without direct physical touch, leading to a slow undressing. The higher the pleasure is, the less we are likely to think about anything else.
Use your breath to enhance sensations, and move. Vary positions several times. Do you get off on power play? Have one of you interrupt you both, and announce a new position to be taken. That can also be fun, and lead to giggles!
Want to know more? Drop me a line, or arrange a Zoom session for yourself and your partner.
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