Do you tell your Partner about Sexual Fantasies?

Do you tell your Partner about Sexual Fantasies?

Do you tell your partner about sexual fantasies?

Most of us have sexual fantasies. It’s actually quite difficult to achieve orgasm without some kind of mental image or thought. Sexual fantasies come in three main categories: 

  • simple mental images of being a witness to you engaging in sex right now
  • picturing your and your partner’s (or other’s!) body or genitals
  • kinky and fetish fantasies

Why would you want to share your sexual fantasies with your partner?

It’s not always easy to talk about sexual fantasies, particularly if they are on the kinky or fetish side. Sexual fantasies reveal quite a bit about us, and it may take courage to share about them. When this is possible, it can increase intimacy between you and your partner. You make yourself vulnerable by sharing about fantasies, when you are honest. You reveal another side of yourself, hoping it will be loved, just like the rest of you. You also risk judgement and disappointment, because it may become obvious that your partner would never engage in what turns you on, and may not even understand its appeal.

Which fantasies do you need to be careful about?

Are you fantasising about people different from your partner? There is of course nothing wrong with populating your fantasies with all kinds of characters. It’s your erotic creativity at work. Make sure to also connect with your partner by opening your eyes, and take in their beautiful sight. It gets tricky when people from your past, real people in your current life, or people with a very different body shape from your partner feature in your fantasies. I would strongly advise against fantasising about past romances when having sex with your current partner. This might create a divide between you. Also don’t tell your female partner that you are fantasising about women that look really different from her. Women get socialised in our society to be very concerned about their looks, and want to be appreciated, loved and desired for what they look like.

Don’t expect too much of your partner

When sharing about fetish or kink sexuality, you may need to adopt a tactic about slowly approaching the subject and see what their reactions are. When you finally get to tell them about what turns you on, they may be willing to engage with you to try your fantasies out, or at least accept that those are your turn-ons, even if it doesn’t do anything for them. Unfortunately, there are partners who block any attempt of their partner sharing about fantasies. Please realise that this may very well be self protection, and simply not being able to deal with this part of you. It’s more about them than about you.

What if I’m kinky and my partner is not?

When your kink or fetish really features big for you, which means it’s part of every single love making session at least in your fantasies, it can feel really risky sharing that with your partner. If they are not at all into your kink or fetish, and not even willing to go along with you on it, it can be quite painful. Going without your favourite kink or fetish may be like condemning yourself to have ‘warm’ instead of hot sex for the rest of your life. While your main turn-on will probably always stay hot for you, It’s possible to enhance the scope of what turns you on. This is what I help some clients with, so please consult me if you need coaching to achieve this.