How do you feel after (solo) sex, energised, or drained?

While it’s natural to be relaxed and a bit sleepy after ejaculation, some men feel really drained, and it can go on for days. Fortunately, there are a great number of men who can’t relate to this at all. Whether they have solo or partnered orgasms, they feel energised and not drained in the least. Is that you? Congratulations! If you’re feeling drained after sex, it could be for a number of reasons.

Feeling drained after sex because you want to be present for your partner?

Women tend to be less sleepy after orgasms than men, and can be rather energised, or express emotional needs. Some men just try to overstep their physical boundaries out of love, to be there for their partner’s desires. If there is such a discrepancy in needs, I would advise to have prolonged sex without male ejaculation, which is usually the culprit for feeling drained. Don’t know how to do that? I coach men to last longer, towards ejaculatory choice.

Feeling drained after solo sex?

When you feel drained after solo sex, this could have a number of reasons. There may be residual guilt and shame due to sex-negative conditioning from family or religion. It’s good to become aware of it, and this is your chance to overhaul your core beliefs about sex and self pleasuring. When there is a lack of privacy, you feel like you need to hide away for solo sex, and get it over with really quickly. This often leads to general dissatisfaction with your sex life. Try to create space and privacy for yourself, for longer and more varied solo sex sessions that involve more of your body.

Should I abstain from ejaculation?

Every man needs to find his own ideal frequency of ejaculation. This involves having a close look at reasons for engaging in (solo) sex in the first place – is it really a sexual urge? It could be maintenance sex, the need to relax, watching porn out of boredom, wanting to fall asleep, or a means to getting up in the morning and into the shower. There is the NoFap movement which advocates abstinence from self pleasuring altogether, and a number of men report higher creativity and energy levels, but I personally don’t recommend it. Instead, I would suggest looking at your general energy levels, exercise and nutrition, to boost your health and well-being, and create more vitality. Lastly, there are a number of techniques to circulate energy in your body that involve muscle tension, breath and visualisations. Book me for a Zoom session to find out about them!

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