How to Close the Orgasm Gap with your Partner!
What does Orgasm Gap mean?
According to Psychology Today, 50 percent of men experience an orgasm every time they have sexual intercourse. For women, this number is only about 4 percent. This is called the Orgasm Gap – the statistical lack of orgasms in penetrative intercourse for heterosexual women. My guess is that these statistics refer to climaxes. How to close this orgasm gap with your partner?
Same Sex Couples and Orgasm Gap
Looking at same sex couples, both female and male partners report much higher rates of regular orgasms when having sex. In this context, it’s of course crucial to define what is meant by ‘sex’. In heterosexual terminology, penetrative penis-in-vagina sex is mostly seen as the ‘main’ part of sex, and everything else, oral or manual stimulation for example, is relegated into the ‘foreplay’ category.
Closing the Orgasm Gap via Clitoral Stimulation
Do heterosexual women miss out on orgasms for exactly this reason? Do lesbians report higher orgasm rates because of clitoral stimulation via mouth, fingers, toys or scissoring being the main menu of partnered sex? Anatomically, the clitoris corresponds developmentally to the penis, so it makes sense to give it the importance for pleasure and arousal it has. Long and varied clitoral stimulation is also a prerequisite to really enjoying penetrative sex. But wait, there is more….
Multiple Orgasms in Penetration
There are several missionary position techniques for penetration with additional clitoral stimulation. One of them is shallow penetration from above, while pressing on the pubic bone and the clitoris. Another technique is called angling, not as in fishing, but as in angle. Angling means that the female partner moves her hips in the missionary position in order to achieve clitoral stimulation. Angling also helps with experiencing vaginal stimulation in different penetration angles, to awaken the entire interior of the vagina. Both of these techniques are easier with a pillow or a wedge underneath her pelvis. Can’t move your pelvis very well? You may want to try classic Pilates, which works wonders for pelvic musculature, and also makes for stronger orgasms.
What can the male partner do in Penetration, to help close the Orgasm Gap?
Ideally, the male partner would have achieved orgasmic choice. Orgasmic choice means that you can last as long as you want, and can choose when to have an orgasm. Work with me to learn how to get there. For female partners, it’s often wonderful to know that they have time and space to feel their vaginas become alive, and to explore their own valley orgasms. Alternate shallow with deep thrusts, vary the penetration angle, and give her breaks to feel what’s going on. Enjoy her pleasure fireworks! I’ve recently read this good book focusing on closing the orgasm gap in penetration, with great tips and techniques – I’m mentioned in their resources section for sex coaching.