This must be one of the most frequent issues male clients ask me for help with.
Dear Women, in case you didn’t know, please take note of this: Men have a lot more work to do than women when it comes to heterosexual intercourse,
While I don’t want to say that the actual intercourse is all there is to love making, let me talk here about the times of PiV – Penis in Vagina.
Most men thrust as part of PiV. There are women who do not like thrusting, and I plan to write a blog post on that soon. A lot of women adore it though!
Thrusting in an awkward position can be strenuous, especially keeping it going for 10, 15 or 30 minutes. Wrestling with condoms, keeping it hard, and not coming before they want to. It takes considerable strength, body and arousal awareness, and, what’s most, dedication, love of women, and the ability to surrender and receive, on both sides! Men, you probably love your partner and gosh, for that look of rapture on her face you’d give a lot! And you yourself want those delicious times of intercourse last as long as possible.
Over the years, I must have worked with at least fifty clients who felt that they were ejaculating earlier than they wanted, sometimes quite unexpectedly. Whether to call it early ejaculation, PME, or just the feeling that there must be more to intercourse than just a few minutes, every one of them wanted to last longer.
These days, Daoist techniques of learning dry orgasms are very well known, however sometimes we need to deal with other underlying factors, that renders them ineffective.
While I knew that teenage masturbation could be the root cause of the problem, making ejaculation or relief the goal, and trying to get it over with as soon as possible, for fear of being caught, I only recently realised that shame is often the underlying cause.
Where is sex and intimacy really celebrated in our society? It’s usually something one does not talk about, something shameful and very private, and who can actually feel good about masturbating? Are we teaching our teenage children to breathe up into their hearts when masturbating, and then send the energy out as a blessing to the world? And yes, there are indigenous tribes who DO tell that their teenagers.
Shame causes us to neglect our own sexual bliss, taking on judgements from our parents or society that sex is somehow dirty, filthy even, Is it surprising that these messages keep on working in our subconscious mind, and want us to ‘get it over with’ as fast as possible?
Feminism has achieved a lot in terms of equal rights for women, and while I enjoy I can go out by myself safely these days, without being groped or sexually abused, it has also left men in a state of confusion, with a feeling of not even being allowed to look at a woman, let alone say something. Men are usually more visual than women, and the sight of beautiful women can have a considerable effect on them.
And remember those sports lessons, where visible arousal resulted in getting ridiculed by your classmates?
I usually start working with clients on those subconscious beliefs that may cause them to feel bad about their body, their aroused genitals, or their sexuality, in a seven step process, in order to get acquainted with those statements, and, by-and-by, stop them from running our lives. Our first goal is to enjoy arousal and sexual energy for its own sake.
Being with a Sexological Bodyworker makes it easier to just enjoy yourself – no partner to pleasure! Just a mindful journey through your own states of arousal.
Then, of course, we work on body awareness. We use a scale of arousal, and an important part of your homework will be pelvic floor exercises, combined with specific breathing techniques.
There is so much to discover about your sexuality that you never knew about, so this is definitely a journey to look forward to!
A word of warning: Getting intimately acquainted with your own sexuality is not for the faint hearted. There is a risk that your life might change, in a profound way, for good. 🙂