Yet another three extra weeks of lockdown have been announced today. Hopefully, this post finds you and your loved ones healthy and as happy as can be, in these circumstances. This lockdown may look very different depending on whether you are with your partner, with your family, working from home, or working in one of the key industries/health care. A lot of us are by ourselves, at home.
Statistics show a significant increase in porn site visits, which is understandable. When we see people laughing together, and having pleasure in these times, especially in public, two main emotions can come up: the desire to join in, sadness because we can’t, or even the thought: Are we allowed to have pleasure in times of emergency like these? Don’t get me wrong, I fully support the current regulations of social isolation, however I also want to raise awareness for pleasure, because, frankly, we all need it to stay sane and balanced!
Sexuality is a great way to connect with your pleasure. When working with clients, my experience is that solo sex is not so much about pleasure on many occasions, but about release. Many different agendas may be playing out: It helps with getting out of bed, and into the shower, it may help us go to sleep, it creates a nice break from our work, involves the body, and rids us from sexual thoughts, so we can think about something else. Self pleasuring can also be a profound practice of meeting our very core, mobilising our life energy, meet the Being we are, possibly very different from our e’public’ Self, open up depths of pleasure we didn’t know we could achieve, open up transcendent realms, and – be a practice to make us a Master Lover for ourselves, and for our partners.
A lot of enquiries I get from men are about performance issues, mainly about wanting to last longer for their partners. They mostly want to learn how to control their arousal. Control is not a word sexuality takes well to. Sexuality is closely linked to our subconscious, and I usually suggest to aim at managing arousal, rather than wanting to control. In fact, it is often the desire to control in itself that creates issues. The rational mind tries to battle against something much stronger and profound, and the result can be a frustrating battle in a vicious circle – the harder we are trying, the less our bodies want to comply.
May I invite you to a different experience, of liberation, and pleasure? Pleasure, breath and awareness of our pelvic floor in arousal can not only open up whole new realms for our self-pleasuring, but also help us to stay longer, because ideally we want to be highly aroused, and completely relaxed at the same time. Doing Kegels for your pelvic floor will not do the trick – on the contrary, it may create tightness and shorten the muscles, instead of creating relaxation, and space for sexual energy.
What would it be like to be a true Master Lover, for yourself, and your partners? Join me for a free hour-long webinar on zoom on Saturday April 25th at 11am to find out – no worries, we won’t do any recording, and you can change your name as soon as you enter, so you can be anonymous if you wish. It’s free – join me! Register here.