Sex Coaching in Victorian times
In Victorian times, women were supposed to enter marriage as virgins, whereas men were expected to have had some sexual experience before marriage so that they knew what they are doing, once entering marriage. Young unmaried men might have gained their sexual experience by seeing a sex worker, or the family would employ female house staff, and promptly dismiss them should they fall pregnant. Employing young innocent teenagers without a knowledge about the facts of life seemed to have been quite commonplace.
Women were not supposed to have a sex drive. The unfulfilled sexual urges of many women, which society did not have a concept about, led to women themselves being unsure what ailed them, and led to the development of a syndrome called hysteria. Hysteria was more common among virgins and widows than among married women.
Physicians first performed genital massage on women, as early as the 17th century. The goal was to to instigate a so-called ‘hysterical paroxysm of relief’, which may well have been the synonym of a good orgasm, which however only brought temporary relief. Women came back to their doctors for more.
Let me recap this: Women were not supposed to have a sex drive or orgasms. The only way and outlet for their natural urges was to develop hysteria which could then be treated by doctors, by giving them orgasms. It is said that the first vibrators were developed by physicians, to give relief to their aching and cramping hands from the frequent intimate massage on their hysteria patients.
Two things come to mind, firstly, we need to acknowledge that sexual urges can be so strong that, unfilled, they can lead to psychosomatic illnesses, and secondly, even today, young people have no way to actually learn how to make love, other than engaging with equally inexperienced partners. Porn seems to be the most common way that teenagers get educated about sex.
Society and religious conditioning seems to have been so firmly in place that even after physicians showed the women how to achieve an orgasm, their patients would still not touch themselves!
These days, when sexual issues occur, what are the avenues? Of course, there is the internet. You can also go to your GP to rule out any underlying physical issue, and they will then, hopefully, put you on the waitlist to see a psychosexual therapist.
If your issue is linked to arousal, you can discus it with the doctor or the therapist, but you will be fully clothed, and get some directions to try at home.
What does Somatic Sexology offer in terms of Sex Coaching?
As a Somatic Sexologist, I’m certified in Sexological Bodywork and Somatic Sex Education. Unlike at a clinic or in the practice of a sex therapist, you are welcome to be seen and touched in arousal. However, unlike the Victorian doctors who treated hysteria, I will not take you on as a client to provide you with regular orgasmic relief, but I will educate you about how to achieve orgasms at home, and how to make self pleasuring more satisfying for you. What I provide is predominantly pleasure education and coaching about pleasure.
Coaching puts responsibility back into your own hands.
Even though I keep my prices somewhat affordable, I’m conscious of your commitment of time and money. A number of my colleagues, and many psychotherapists and psychoanalysts, will use the first session as an intake session. That is not the case when you work with me.
In order to keep the amount of confidential data shared to a minimum, I don’t even use intake forms.
You can verbally share about whatever you think is relevant to your issue or learning goal.
I want to empower you to help yourself.
A professional like myself, who doesn’t flinch or recoil in shame or discomfort when discussing sexual or arousal matters, an experienced coach with hands-on skills concerning physical pleasure, sexuality and arousal, and who stays fully clothed, and does not enter into partner mode, is a modality that is brand new, and much needed. After an article about me was published in a major tabloid, the most common feedback that I received was: “I didn’t know that people like you existed.”
And yet, even in today’s world, there are still places, such as Alabama, where even owning a vibrator is illegal, unless you have a doctor’s prescription!
Consultations with Stella
To get more information, about working with me, please contact me, and we can arrange a complimentary, up to 20 minute phone, skype or zoom consultation.
I look forward to hearing from you!