How to Have Better Orgasms (Yes, Really)
“Stella, how do I have better orgasms?”
If I had a coin for every time a client asked me this, I’d have quite the sparkly collection by now. And it’s a brilliant question—because the desire for deeper, more satisfying pleasure is completely natural, and absolutely worth exploring.
Learning how to have better orgasms isn’t about doing more—it’s about tuning in, slowing down, and discovering what truly lights you up. No matter your age, background, or relationship status, this curiosity shows up again and again in my coaching sessions. So let’s talk about it. Openly, honestly, and without shame.
Orgasms are about more than just climax—they’re about connection, presence, and giving yourself permission to feel good. If you’re looking to experience more fulfilling, full-bodied orgasms, you’re in the right place. Let’s dive in.
What Makes an Orgasm Great?
If you’ve ever had a quick orgasm and thought, “Hmm, that was… fine,” you’re not alone. There’s a reason some orgasms leave us glowing while others feel more like checking a box.
Understanding how to have better orgasms comes down to two key things:
- Your level of arousal: The higher it builds, the more intense the release.
- Your whole-body involvement: The more you’re engaging beyond just one area, the more your nervous system lights up.
Think of it like this: A quick release from low or moderate arousal might feel okay. But when your body is deeply engaged, and your arousal has had time to rise, the experience becomes so much more powerful.
The Myth of the Fast-Track Orgasm
Let me be clear—there’s absolutely nothing wrong with quickies or fast orgasms. Sometimes, that’s exactly what we want or need. If you’re already highly aroused, a swift climax can be incredibly satisfying.
But if you’re starting from a lower level of arousal (as many of us often are), rushing to the finish line can short-circuit your potential for a truly transformative experience.
Want to Know How to Have Better Orgasms? Slow Down.
Instead of sprinting toward orgasm, consider taking your time to nourish your arousal:
- Use erotica—whether that’s visual, written, or audio-based—but pause often.
- Shift your attention inward and ask: What sensations is this sparking in my body?
- Breathe deeply and consciously. Let the sensations grow and ripple through you.
- Use sound and movement to expand pleasure beyond the pelvis.
This is how we move from “just okay” orgasms to the ones that leave us blissed out and deeply satisfied.
A Whole-Body Approach (Yes, Even With Toys)
When clients ask me how to have better orgasms using sex toys, I often suggest something surprising—start away from your genitals.
Whether you’re a seasoned pro or just beginning to explore, sex toys can absolutely enhance your pleasure—especially when used in a way that connects you to your entire body.
Try this:
- Begin in relaxation—after a bath, with candles, or soft music.
- Use your toy on unexpected areas—like your collarbone, chest, or thighs.
- Delay genital stimulation—give yourself time to build anticipation.
- Explore new sensations—and stay open to pleasure without a fixed goal.
Here’s the paradox: The more you let go of the goal, the more likely you are to have powerful, lasting orgasms.
Yes, it’s true—letting go of the pressure to climax can be one of the most effective ways to learn how to have better orgasms.
Ready to Reclaim Your Pleasure?
This kind of exploration takes practice—and sometimes, unlearning what we think pleasure should look like. You don’t have to go it alone.
If you’re feeling curious, stuck, or ready to deepen your connection with your body, I’d love to support you.
Explore my 1:1 coaching sessions, where we talk pleasure, embodiment, and self-connection in a judgment-free space.
✨ Contact me today to learn more
✨ Or browse other resources on self-pleasure, intimacy, and emotional wellness here
Because better orgasms aren’t just about climax—they’re about coming home to yourself.