A Client’s Journey from Sexual Shame to Fulfilment
These are the reflections of a pre-orgasmic client of mine about her past relationships (shared with consent):
“When I had sex with a partner, I could never allow myself to fully open up to him. For some reason, my pride wouldn’t let me give that satisfaction to a man to see me enjoying his pleasure. I viewed it as a kind of disgrace or shame to my feminist side, which was strongly opposed to ANY man. At the same time, I saw pleasuring men as a disgrace to me as a woman. I saw men as dominators, as people who defiled women, and sex as something primitive.”
The Roots of Misconceptions About Men and Sexuality
If you’re a woman reading this, consider completing this sentence spontaneously: “Men are…”
Did something dismissive come to mind? This could stem from your teenage years. When our sexual desires awaken during puberty, they can be so powerful that they eclipse other desires, leading to significant changes in how we view the opposite sex. Pre-teen boys and girls often dislike each other, but puberty ignites a curiosity about sexuality and each other’s bodies.
The Inhibition of Sexual Curiosity
My theory is that we might suppress our curiosity about our own sexuality to avoid the entanglements of love and lust. We might not allow ourselves to fully surrender to our own pleasure during masturbation because it could ignite a longing for a partner. Sexuality is often viewed as the root of all evil, and independence might seem to require a complete suppression of sexual desires.
The Impact of Childhood Experiences
A deep-seated mistrust of men can originate from negative childhood experiences, including abuse, violence, or hearing negative remarks about men and sexuality from mothers or other significant figures.
Healing and Transformation
Heterosexual women who have never experienced an orgasm might find that this mistrust of men is at the core of their issue. However, there’s good news: these feelings can be addressed and healed, even later in life.
Here’s an update from the same client:
This time, my rebellious side is quieter. As I allowed myself to enjoy his pleasure, I could do so without judgment. Seeing my enjoyment encouraged him to give more of himself, overcoming his own barriers. When I noticed I wanted to give him pleasure in return, seeing him happy satisfied me and made me want to give even more, bringing us closer. That was just beautiful!
New Insights on Giving and Receiving Pleasure
“I see now that we must give ourselves to each other while enjoying ourselves, and that’s how it should be. Before, for some reason, I could not allow a man to know that I care about him.”
Empowering Women Through Sex Coaching
If you wish to experience your full sexual aliveness, my sex coaching for women sessions are designed for you.