We have young children and I just want my peace and quiet – not sex!
Introduction
Becoming parents is a transformative journey, amplifying both joys and challenges. As one father aptly put it, “Everything is amplified—the good times are brilliant, and the bad times are a true nightmare.” This transition from individual to parent is profound, often leaving couples unprepared for the lasting changes to their bodies and lives. It’s common for both parents to crave peace and quiet, with mothers frequently experiencing this sentiment more intensely. Notably, many divorces occur when children are around two and five years old, suggesting that increased support and awareness during this period could alleviate unnecessary separations.
Reclaiming Personal Space
A new mother’s body becomes a constant source of comfort for her child, making private time and rest seem elusive. One mother shared her experience of sitting in bed, tears streaming down her face, as her baby fussed and refused to sleep, depriving her of the peace she desperately needed. With young children constantly seeking their mother’s touch, it’s understandable that additional physical contact from a partner might feel overwhelming.
Breasts: A Source of Nourishment
Before motherhood, a woman may have enjoyed her partner’s affectionate touch. However, the deep physical bond formed during breastfeeding can shift this dynamic. Engaged in intimate eye contact during feeding, a mother and her child create a protective bubble, sometimes leading to a decreased desire for sexual intimacy. Fathers might feel excluded during this period, though this isn’t always the case. When breastfeeding isn’t possible, fathers have the opportunity to bond through bottle-feeding, sharing in the nurturing process.
Fathers Seeking Connection
When childcare is arranged, fathers often look forward to reconnecting with their partners. They might plan a weekend getaway, while the new mother may simply yearn for solitude at home to recuperate and rediscover herself. During these years, men can feel unappreciated, reduced to providers without the emotional connection they once shared. The absence of physical intimacy may lead them to withdraw, doubting their partner’s commitment. It’s crucial to recognize that this phase is temporary; many couples navigate through it and rekindle their love, even when separation seemed imminent.
3 Steps to Rebuild Harmony with Your Partner
- Respect Personal Boundaries: Understand and honour each other’s need for personal space. Open communication about physical boundaries can prevent feelings of overwhelm and foster mutual respect.
- Prioritise Self-Care: Encourage each other to take time for self-care. A well-rested and content individual is more likely to engage positively in the relationship.
- Seek Professional Support: If intimacy challenges persist, consider consulting a certified sex and intimacy coach. Professional guidance can provide tailored strategies to navigate this transition.
Remember, this phase is a natural part of parenthood. With empathy, communication, and support, couples can emerge with a stronger, more resilient bond.
For personalised support, feel free to contact me. Together, we can explore ways to enhance intimacy and strengthen your relationship during this transformative time.