Introduction
Why would you want a private place for yourself in the first place, away from your partner and the children? Families tend to have differing cultures around privacy. Some parents walk about naked in the house, and don’t lock the bathroom door, but may still demand privacy when someone happens to be walking in. Bathrooms have a great advantage – they can be locked. Even if parents have a lock on their bedroom door, it may be more difficult to explain what’s going on when children usually have free access to it. While partner sex has its place, and needs to happen away from being intruded by the kids, private self-pleasure sessions are another reason to seek privacy. While privacy from state and corporate intrusion is a big topic these days, what about physical privacy, as a right to be alone and not seen by other family members at times, without being answerable for activities?
Intimate Activities in the Shower
There are advantages and disadvantages to self-pleasuring in the shower. For women and other vulva-owners, a detachable shower head can double as a sensation and stimulation toy. In my Somatic Sex Coaching sessions I hear that a number of girls first discover pleasurable sensations in their vulva when rinsing their genitals, and take it from there, into adulthood. Standing up can be an advantage as it allows for whole-body movement. However, space is usually limited, and also it may be too slippery to enter into anything more expressive without risking injury. Self pleasure sessions in the shower are typically short due to the lack of comfort, and also maybe other family members are already waiting their turn to use the bathroom! It may be difficult to explain an extra long shower.
No privacy for home play
I often recommend structured self pleasure sessions with a specific learning goal to both men and women, and privacy is a big issue here. Ideally, clients need somewhere to relax, to lie down at least part of the time, and not fear intrusion. This makes longer self pleasure sessions possible. It gets tricky when the only private place in the family house is the shower. Lack of privacy, and the fear of intrusion, is at the core of many performance issues, where the goal has been climax as soon as possible, for many years, to get it over with, and not be caught. Separate bedrooms can provide more privacy. Some clients tell me that they would have no private place to keep a sex toy, either, and don’t own any for that very reason.
Privacy vs Secrecy
Privacy is a human right, and that extends to your partner and family situation. Yes, you have the right to spend time by yourself and with your friends, away from your partner, you have a right to bodily integrity and consent to touch, and to maintain a sexual relationship with yourself. Sexual relationships with ourselves are the core of any partner activity, and unfortunately, if often suffers when couples move in together. Secrecy however means intentionally withholding information that would affect your relationship if your partner knew it. Secrecy can lead to a breach of trust. Privacy, however, is an essential component of being in a relationship, and is closely related to respect.
Becoming Creative for Privacy
Self-pleasuring is of course not the only reason why individuals and couples may want some privacy. It’s not easy to work from home together with your partner, have nannies come to the house, or run a company together from home, with staff coming in, too. Sometimes it’s the women who suffer most, when their male partner has taken over the study, the bedroom is shared, and the kids all have their own bedroom. It’s amazing how much creativity couples and individuals show to maintain a vibrant sex life in privacy. A number of clients see me on Zoom from their workplace and rent a conference room for privacy, which is possible, but of course not ideal. Others resort to seeing me for Zoom sessions in their cars.
Privacy is important – well done for being creative!