How Often Should You Have Sex in a Relationship?
It’s one of the most common questions I hear from couples: “How often should you have sex in a relationship?”
If you’ve ever wondered whether your sex life is “normal,” you’re not alone. Many couples come to me feeling uncertain or disconnected — often because one or both partners are feeling unsatisfied, confused, or out of sync. We’re naturally curious about what others are doing, but comparison can add unnecessary pressure to something deeply personal.
So let’s explore this together — with curiosity, compassion, and zero judgment.
When Desire Doesn’t Match
It’s perfectly natural for partners to have different levels of sexual desire. Sometimes, one person initiates more often, while the other feels overwhelmed or even guilty. Over time, this dynamic can create a loop where sex starts to feel like pressure — rather than connection.
This is one of the most common challenges I see in relationships. And unfortunately, when left unspoken, it tends to intensify.
The good news? You can break the cycle with open, honest communication. And sometimes, it helps to have these conversations with the support of a therapist or relationship coach who can hold space for both of you.
👉 Here’s an insightful article that explores how often couples actually have sex — and why the answer isn’t as straightforward as you might think.
Is the Honeymoon Phase Over?
In long-term relationships, it’s completely normal for sexual frequency to change over time. That intense early-stage desire — often called the “honeymoon phase” — typically shifts somewhere between six months to two years into a relationship.
When that happens, some couples panic and try to force sex to recapture the spark. But sex driven by fear or routine can begin to feel like a chore, which makes the problem worse.
Instead of trying to keep up with what used to be, it’s more helpful to stay curious about what your body — and your relationship — needs now.
Life Transitions That Affect Your Sex Life
Many external factors can impact how often you have sex in a relationship. Major life events like pregnancy, childbirth, and menopause often reshape the landscape of intimacy.
- After childbirth, parents are navigating physical recovery, hormonal shifts, emotional change, and sleep deprivation. It’s very common for desire to shift or pause entirely — sometimes for months, even years.
- During menopause, hormonal changes may lead to lower libido, discomfort, or a need to explore new ways of being intimate.
These transitions don’t mean intimacy is over — they simply invite us to evolve how we connect physically and emotionally.
How to Rebuild Intimacy Without Pressure
If sex has felt stressful or absent for a while, try shifting your focus from performance to presence. Start by making space to reconnect emotionally:
- Set aside time for a gentle, honest conversation.
- Use a timer to take turns sharing your feelings — without interruption or trying to “fix” anything.
- Consider doing this with a therapist or coach if it feels hard to navigate on your own.
You can also plan “physical intimacy dates” — low-pressure time for cuddling, massage, or simply being close. These dates don’t have to lead to sex. What they do lead to is trust, openness, and often — a return of desire.
One beautiful tool I often recommend is Betty Martin’s 3-Minute Game. It’s a playful and structured way to explore touch, improve communication, and foster connection without expectations.
So… How Often Should You Have Sex in a Relationship?
There’s no universal answer — and that’s the point.
Some couples thrive on frequent sex, others connect deeply in quieter ways. What matters most is that both partners feel respected, seen, and able to express their needs openly.
If you’re feeling disconnected or unsure where to start, you’re not alone. The fact that you’re asking the question shows a desire for closeness — and that’s a beautiful place to begin.
Ready to reconnect with your partner in a more authentic, supported way? Contact me today to explore how relationship coaching can help. I’m here to support you every step of the way.