How to Last Longer in Bed: Mastering Ejaculatory Choice
Many men want to last longer during lovemaking to enhance their partner’s experience and their own. While lovemaking isn’t about performance, heterosexual women often enjoy intercourse that allows them to relax and explore their arousal over time. Men, eager to meet their partner’s desires, may feel frustrated or unsure how to achieve ejaculatory choice. For some, it feels like the holy grail of male sexuality.
The Myth of “Body Control” to Last Longer
Men often approach lasting longer like a gym workout: train hard, push through, no pain, no gain. They believe sheer willpower or physical effort can control ejaculation. But here’s the truth: this mindset rarely works. The harder you try to control your body, the more elusive ejaculatory choice becomes, creating a paradoxical effect that can worsen performance.
A Mindset Shift: Managing Arousal, Not Controlling It
To last longer, let go of the “control” mindset and focus on understanding your body’s arousal. Think of yourself as a team manager collaborating with your body, not dictating its every move. Your sexuality is complex, dynamic, and alive. Start by exploring:
Arousal Awareness: Where are you on the arousal scale (1-10)? Notice physical sensations, like your pelvic floor’s tension.
- Breathing: Slow, deep breaths can help regulate arousal and keep you present.
- Collaboration: Work with your body, not against it, to manage arousal effectively.
Learning to Surf Your Arousal
Practice at home to build awareness and ejaculatory choice. Here are some tips to start:
- Self-Pleasure Mindfully: When you masturbate, do you rush to climax or savour the journey? Slow down and explore.
- Mimic Lovemaking: Use a toy that simulates a vagina or adopt positions similar to intercourse. Notice how your body responds.
- Experiment with Touch: Which strokes or movements heighten arousal? Do you move your hand or your body? Do you engage other erogenous zones?
- Vary Stimulation: Pause or change intensity when arousal peaks to extend pleasure.
These practices help you “surf” arousal waves, giving you more control over when you ejaculate.
Ejaculatory Choice: Achieving the Holy Grail
I’ve helped countless men master lasting longer through my 7-week online course, Liberate Your Libido, which distills years of in-person and Zoom coaching experience. One client, a young married man, left a session overjoyed, eager to share his newfound skills with his wife. Whether in-person or via Zoom, I’ve seen transformative results—sometimes after just one session. For lasting change, I recommend a package of four sessions to implement tools and complete guided homework.
Why Struggle Alone?
You don’t need to spend years trying to improve on your own. With the right guidance, you can learn to last longer, enjoy lovemaking more, and achieve ejaculatory choice—for yourself and your partner. Ready to take the next step? Contact me to book a Zoom session or explore my Liberate Your Libido course.