Embodiment and Sexual Trauma: Finding Your Safe Place

Embodiment: Everything in Life is a Relationship

How does it feel to relate to and sense your own body? When embodiment is challenging or doesn’t feel safe, it’s important to respect that. You are here, alive, and reading this because something within you has protected you up to this moment.

Opening up to feeling isn’t always a journey into bliss. Sensations can’t be selectively felt; there’s an inherent risk in exploring them. This is particularly true for survivors of trauma. You might uncover sensations you’re not prepared for. Intimacy with your physical sensations can be unsafe for those with a history of trauma, and the same applies in intimate relationships with others.

Understanding Embodiment

What actually is embodiment? Don’t we all have a body? We may take embodiment for granted, but it’s actually an ongoing process for every human being willing to embark on the journey.

What is a Safe Place, and Why is it Important?

I first learned about the concept of a ‘safe place’ when training to lead Mindfulness Courses for survivors in domestic violence shelters. A safe place in mindfulness can be a real or imagined space where you feel deeply relaxed. It might be your bed, your favourite chair, or a serene spot in nature. The goal is to visualise this place vividly, noting the colours, smells, shapes, and temperature, and then tuning into how this visualisation feels in your body. Interestingly, your body doesn’t distinguish much between real and imagined scenarios; the response can be very similar to actually being there.

Physical Sensations in Survivors of Sexual Trauma

For survivors, sexual situations or touch might trigger past traumas. Disembodiment can serve as a survival mechanism, where one might dissociate or shut down sensations to avoid reliving painful memories. In intimate settings, you might find yourself going through motions, guessing at what your partner might want, without truly connecting to your own pleasure. Intimacy with your body can feel too risky, making genuine connection with a partner challenging.

Finding Safety and Wellbeing

• Start with Ease: Begin by finding a spot in your body that feels at ease or pleasurable. This can be a foundation for addressing more challenging memories.
• Use External Objects: If focusing inward is too intense, an external neutral object like a cup of tea, a plant, or a lamp can symbolise safety and wellbeing.

Gentle Strategies for Healing

• Maintain Agency: You should always feel in control. I often check if you’re comfortable setting boundaries and saying no. This might be a new experience for some.
• Guided Touch: I might invite you to guide my hand to where you feel comfortable, monitoring your sensations. We aim to avoid overwhelming you by moving slowly towards more challenging areas, ensuring you always have a path back to safety.
• Therapeutic Support: For survivors of sexual violence, this journey of embodiment should ideally follow or accompany counselling or psychotherapy.

Remember, embodiment is a slow but powerful journey. Every step you take towards understanding and feeling safe within your body is a step towards healing. 

I’m here to support you in this process, respecting your pace and your experiences.