Unlocking longer lasting Intimacy

A staggering 60 percent of my male clientele express a common desire: they would like to last longer in bed, and I’ve helped the majority of them achieve this, up to finding the ultimate and much coveted holy grail: ejaculatory choice. Ideally, you want to choose whether or not to ejaculate, and when. This is where mindset comes in. It can be of course be really pleasurable to be swept off the surfboard by the first big wave of arousal when self-pleasuring, and not minding very much. Choosing to ejaculate or not means taking decisions for yourself. Choice implies taking responsibility.

What lasting longer means for Men

Some men suffer from PME which has a medical definition of lasting less than one minute in intercourse, or ejaculating even before. This also includes so-called ‘south’ ejaculations, when men ejaculate from completely flaccid, without warning. Imagine being taken off-guard and needing to explain what just happened, in a non-sexual situation. At the beginning of sexual activity in life, it’s natural to not last long, or even ejaculate without or before intercourse. A number of men speak about their self confidence being shattered when unable to manage their ejaculation in later life.

Lasting longer, and dating

When on dates that turn sexual, men report never seeing their potential partners ever again when performance issues get in the way, which is a huge stress factor. This can be a reason to avoid sex as long as possible, and can also create a vicious cycle where men fear that a past scenario may repeat itself – and that’s just what happens. This issue can prevent men from going on dates, or pursuing a sexual relationship.

Traditional Marriages, and lasting longer

When getting married as virgins, and being in traditional societies that are body and sex-negative unless it’s within marriage and aiming towards offspring, men are often at a loss. Especially if they dearly love their partners and want intimacy to last as long as their wives desire, to make them happy, they feel unable to last longer. Limited sexual experience, and negative attitudes towards self-pleasuring, can get in the way of lasting longer. While traditional marriages have a bit of a come-back in the Western World, too: how and when are men supposed to learn to be good lovers and husbands to their wives?

Feeling More to Last Longer

A number of men resort to numbing creams to improve their performance. While these can help initially, I would actually recommend the opposite, which is feeling MORE, and more differentiated. Exploring the middle range of arousal when self pleasuring, getting more awareness of muscular tensions in the pelvic floor during arousal, using orgasmic yoga practice and Reverse Kegels, learning effective emergency techniques when approaching the point of no return, and practicing breathing techniques. Men can’t use will power to last longer – they need to learn about their bodies in arousal, and collaborate, instead of trying to force success. Good luck with trying to ‘control’ – a better way is getting to know your body, and manage arousal. The time to practice is not with your partner – it’s at home, by yourself. Your self pleasuring practice may give important cues about what to tweak and learn, particularly if porn is involved every time.

Psychological Readiness

What’s your relationship with your body, particularly your penis? What do you think about him? What does he think about YOU? Sometimes we need to dig a little bit deeper when underlying issues are present. Not being able to last longer may be a kind of self sabotage that can have a protective function in men’s life, avoid intimacy with Self and partners, indicate a troubling relationship with a father figure, or have other root causes which usually come up in sessions if related. Exploring these with a professional could unearth and resolve underlying issues.

Taking Action for Change

One-on-one coaching: Book a session with me, particularly if you think that the root causes are more complex – I have had great success in helping men achieve their learning goal, even on Zoom.

Practical online courses: Alternatively, take my comprehensive practical online course, Liberate your Libido, and learn at your own pace. This course is also suitable for making your self pleasuring practice more varied and fun.

Welcome to ejaculatory choice!

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